Saturday, 20 August 2016

Walking Snowdon...

Disclaimer - This post contains NO images of babies or children. 

Whaaaaaaaaat?! I know right?! 

So we went away for the weekend! 2 nights! 2 whole sleepovers, elsewhere, without children. Stranger things have not happened, I am sure of it. 

Observations from out first real weekend away? Firstly, mornings are weird without kids. Quiet and weird and I really don't know how to start my day without being told how, when and with what coloured bowl to start my day. Secondly, Steve and I are now inherently busy people. We were pretty productive people before children I suppose but now we are obsessively, compulsively busy people. We can't sit still, we don't know how to and, despite having been tired for almost 5 years now, we don't want to. Also, biggest surprise... I didn't miss them. There's a version of me walking around in 2012 and 2013 who is so so in love with new motherhood and new babies and the whole baby bubble who would literally fall down in shock at 2016 me saying "I didn't miss them". I won't lie though. I didn't pine, I didn't worry, I had every trust this break meant all great things for everyone involved. 

Finally I learnt that I am no landscape photographer, but it was fun pretending for the day. :)

So here we are busy, childless, having such a hard time relaxing we climbed a mountain... 

If you would like to know more about my photography why not like my Facebook page or check out my website

Tuesday, 16 August 2016

Windows to Motherhood #5 Yasmine

This is Yasmine...

"I have two beautiful boys called George and Jackson.  George will be 2 next month and Jackson is 8 months old.  They could not be more different.  George is a bundle of energy who constantly wants to be stimulated and Jackson is chilled out in every single way, he takes things in his stride. My boys are Yin and Yang, their connection however, most days is perfect."

Motherhood began the day we saw that positive sign on the test.  Even though it seemed so surreal and not possible.  The little speck of cells was my child in that instant and it was my job to nurture and protect it in anyway I could."

"We own our own business so officially I work two days a week but realistically there are no set hours.  Sometimes I have to work whilst the boys nap or are engaged in an activity. It makes me feel torn at times.  Our business is what allows us to have the lifestyle we have and provides us with our beautiful home so I know that I need to work on aspects to help make it a success but the distraction it creates from being 100% present is hard.  Its a hard situation to understand if you don't have your own business, you can't just clock off at 5:30pm, come home and relax there is constantly something to discuss, do or resolve."

"I would love to tell you that I am Mary Poppins and I have the patience of a saint but I don't.  I'm caring, loving and devoted to my children but I'm also impatient and get frustrated easily.  Every day I feel guilty for not doing something right; feeding Jackson a jar instead of a home made concoction, letting George watch the 'Gruffalo' one too many times but I also know that in that instant and in that moment I'm doing the best that I know how to do.  No one tells you the inner conflict and turmoil you experience as a mother and even if they did, you can't empathise until you make the journey yourself."

"I've never been overly confident with my body anyway but whilst pregnant I was the most confident with it that I have ever been. Two pregnancies pretty much back to back did leave me feeling a little ravaged to say the least!  I'm also not ashamed to admit that now I am finished having babies I am on a mission to reclaim my body.  It's seen two births in two years and is now receiving the TLC it deserves for giving me my beautiful boys."

"My mind changes daily as a mother. My beliefs about everything flip and twist constantly.  It has taught my mind to be more fluid, more flexible and more giving in approaches to everything.  Going into motherhood I had a very set belief of how I was going to be and how my child was to be raised and the actual reality is so far removed from that, its actually quite scary."

"The world has become so much more of a fearful place.  Situations that you don't even think about pre baby are the ones that occupy your mind.  Every situation comes with an element of danger.  That being said it also makes you appreciate the simple things, the world around us is there to be explored and there is no better way to do than with your children."

"As clich├ęd  as it sounds, motherhood to me is a roller coaster. I can be laughing at the boy's antics one minute and crying the next. The emotions I feel towards my boys leave knots in my belly and the thought of anything happening to them, leaves me gasping for breath. Nothing can ever prepare you for the experience you are about to embark on.  These little beings are your whole world and to a certain degree become your identity.  They in no uncertain terms, my everything."

"The expectation I had of motherhood pre children is so far removed from the reality that I can't even remember what it was! Nothing can explain the love you feel for your children.  You know you will love your children but nothing compares to the bolt of sheer adoration and infatuation when you look into your child's eyes."

Thank you Sarah xxx

Windows to Motherhood is an ongoing film photography project. You can see #1, #2#3 and #4 or all editions here. If you would like to know or get involved and tell your story please get in touch at 

If you would like more information on portrait sessions or any of my other photography services please see my website.


Saturday, 13 August 2016

Some Summering... Crabbing on Mersea

Summer is summering then! Off we go! We had our summer holiday bucket list, our good intentions, bags of energy, new sun hats, friends throwing plans back and forward, we were ready for this! Weren't we?!

Ok... The beach trip didn't go as it should have. We left that play date early, screaming, apologising and explaining incessant ingratitude away with "they're just so tired"! The BBQ was rained indoors and sausages at the dining table is just kind of lame. I'm not sure if they're over-stimulated or under-structured? Tired or just plain spoilt? Do they need a day at home or a big day out? It's fine Mummies! It's a lot and every single one of us putting too much pressure on it, guaranteed. But we can rebuild from here. Actually it's going much better than you think. 

The great thing about kids is I am absolutely certain they don't remember your stress in the slightest. If you had to kill yourself walking up a massive sandy hill to the only public loos on the beach every 20 minutes (BECAUSE SERIOUSLY BOW HOW SMALL IS YOUR BLADDER?!) they don't remember it, they didn't even register your heavy breathing at the time. If you forgot the wipes and had to walk around in your t-shirt as their ice-cream facial cloth for the entire day, they don't remember that either. I know they moaned that the park was "not the good park, it's just a rubbish one" when they got there but they don't remember it. 

And here's the thing... I am certain that when my Mum reminisces about summer holidays with me and my sister and she talks about all about the car loads of kids her and the other mums took swimming or walking or PYO-ing she does not remember the stresses either. Now my Mum is incredible, that's indisputable, but there was no magical time in history where moaning didn't exist for kids and tiredness didn't exist for parents. She lived it then like we're living it now. But she doesn't remember it like that. Now she looks at me with eyes that only see magical memories of my childhood and tells me "I loved the summer holidays!

No one's lying here though. She did love the summer holidays. We love the summer holidays. She was however equally exhausted and overwhelmed and a tiny bit disappointed the whole time though. As are we. But we won't remember that part like she doesn't remember that part. We'll colour it all hazy pink in our minds like Mum has and all that will matter is that we did it. And kids... Well kids figure everything out faster than us, they colour it all pink 20 seconds after it's happened! So don't worry about them, they're having a blast (even though they say"this park is just so much yuck" :P).

When in doubt Mummies... Pimms. Is kind of pink and it will aid the romancing-the-summer-memories process. Studies have proven this a true fact. 

And here we are summering away on West Mersea Crabbing Pier, it's already a better memory in my head... Bow did try and throw himself in the sea every 4 seconds and I wanted to rip my own tongue out after I said "Euna you can't take the crabs home" 697 times... But that's already just amusing rather than irritating in my head! And I didn't even lubricate the process with Pimms that time! ;)

If you would like to know more about my photography why not like my Facebook page or check out my website

Monday, 8 August 2016

Baby Leo - Newborn Portraiture in Essex & Suffolk

Watching these brand new tiny people, editing their pictures, looking and looking at their little snoozing faces I can only think about the potential that lies there. So quiet now. So content to just be there. Maybe they'll eat. Maybe they'll need s little wriggle. But essentially they're just contented be still, breathe and cosy in their own little world of dreams we'll never know about. 

What a sense of peace to find. That's why we lose hours looking at them. That's why our wonderful well meaning baby visitors stay 6 or 7 hours longer than they meant to. That's why the washing goes damp in the machine or tea goes cold. We just want to be near it. Enjoying it for them. Imagining it for ourselves. That peace. 

Because soon, all too soon, they'll wake up. Really wake up. Their eyes, ears and little minds will wonder about and then it'll all start. :)

Here's little Leo, a few short days old and powering up for when all his adventures will start... 

If you would like more information about my newborn photography, please see my website.


Wednesday, 20 July 2016

Top 5 Buttons To Push To Send Me To Mummy Breakdowns...

Obviously parenting is hard and being main caregiver is one hell of an rollercoaster. You kind of anticipate all the predictable things driving you bananas (sleep deprivation, tantrums in Costa, stains on your new sofas, little/no down time, all the snot) and prepare yourself for it and actually recently I've realised I've been in the mothering-trenches a while now and I'm pretty weathered to all this stuff.  No smugness here though because actually it's just new and truly random stuff that's pushing my parenting rage buttons these days. Top 5 to date are as follows:

1. Bow trying to sit down every 0.00046 seconds when I'm washing him in the bath. "Stand up Bow" wash half a square centimetre of his belly. "Stand UP Bow" wash another half a square centimetre of his belly. "STAAAAND up Bow" wash another half a square centimetre of his belly. "STAND. Up. Bowwwwww." wash another half a square centimetre of his belly. For the love if all that Cadburys WHY WON'T THIS CHILD JUST KEEP UPRIGHT FOR THE 15 SECONDS I NEED TO GET BELLY, BACK AND BUM! 

2. Euna giving me attitude for not being able to answer totally unanswerable questions. Example...
"Mummy who's that?" Points at stranger in the street who we drive past.
"I don't know, it's a girl"
"Why is it not Lola?" Her cousin who looks nothing like this girl and lives 30 miles from where we are and would have no place being there.
"Because Lola is at school."
"WHY?" shouting.
"Because it's a school day."
"Well it is darling." Gritting teeth, why the hell am I being spoken to like this? 
"SAYYYY IT'S LOLAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!" Screaming. Head spinning. Ectoplasm fills the car. 
Like really. I gave you life and I'm getting screamed for why? Because that stranger isn't Lola? Because it's a school day? Because Lola is of school age? 

3. Changing choices. Apple Mummy! Here's an apple. NO! Take apple away. Screams for apple. Gives apple back. Lobs apple. That's a bruised apple now, it was one of my posh Pink Lady apples that comes in cardboard display packaging, I was looking forward to that apple. Screams for apple. DO YOU WANT THIS APPLE? NO!!! WHAT THEN?! Rips off own arm and beats self in the face with it. 

4. The average decade it takes for them to get in the car. They won't be lifted in. If they're lifted in they'll literally scream until my ears bleed for whatever journey we're due on. The thing is I haven't left the required 4 days I needed to get to where we're going if I'm going to wait for them to get in unaided. Literally, wind erosion will vanish the car before we will have the chance to pull of the drive. And I'm too anal about time keeping to let it go, so I WILL lift one or both in the car, it's just a matter of time. We'll only be mildly late (which is on time when adjusted to Mum-o'clock) but I'll arrive deaf. If I had a superpower it'd be to have Jedi mind powers just to get them in the fudging car. 

5. Euna saying she dislikes every single dinner that's put in front of her despite the fact it might even be her favourite ever food and she is actually a good eater. But initial reaction? Always always ALWAYS "I don't like it". Genuinely fantasise about pulling a cream pie from behind my back and cream pie-ing her in the face and saying "TAKE THAT THEN!" 

Writing is therapy. What would you cream pie your kid for?

And as is the nature of parenting, you swing right from cream pie in the face moments to overwhelming deep in your gut oh-the-heavens-look-at-the-perfect-mircale-specimins-of-life-I-made!!! Here's some of those moments, spent down at Marsh Farm with friends... 

If you would like more information about my photography and the portrait sessions I offer, please see my website

Thursday, 14 July 2016

Abbie & Gabriel - Maternity Portraiture in Essex & Suffolk

I really love these natural light, lifestyle maternity sessions... All simple, focus on bump, mum's profile, soft and lovely natural light. 

If you would like more information about my maternity and newborn photography, please see my website.


Thursday, 7 July 2016

Windows to Motherhood #4 Sarah

This is Sarah...

"I have a three year old son who is very bright and energetic, cheeky and very much a chatterbox. He’s on the go all the time, never sits still and keen to explore! (Mother like son!!) He is fascinated by nature and the world, in particular the sea and its creatures. Whales and sharks are a favourite and he gets very excited if he sees any on the television or in his books. Visiting the aquarium in Southend and the zoo at Colchester is great fun as he's so enthusiastic."

"I am an older mum. I always put career first and never thought I would get married or have children. I had so much to see and do and never felt ready. I then met my husband and 7 years later we married. In 2011 we discussed having children, the time felt right. We'd travelled together, had a home together, work was just work now and I think I was fed up of the rat race and long hours. I was scared of the change, but excited. I fell pregnant straight away, but sadly had an early miscarriage. We tried again and I fell pregnant a few months later, however the pregnancy journey for me was marred by the anxiety of a possible miscarriage again and poor care in my first 20 weeks from my GP. Even though I can't say I enjoyed much of the pregnancy and the birth was difficult, our son arrived strong and healthy and I took everything in my stride after that."

"I’m a mum, I'm a part time graphic designer and I’m a runner. I run my own business from home, but occasionally work in other studios. Before our son was born we converted the garage into my office/studio to make working from home easier. Working from home allows some juggling and means I can spend more time with our son."

"I find the whole juggling act quite tiring at times and I have also been very overwhelmed too. I am able to shut the door on work after I’ve picked our son up from nursery. Once he’s around I don’t work. I do my best to be quite strict about this. Doesn’t stop me feeling guilty about working, even though it’s only for a couple of days. Having said that I don’t work just for the money, it’s to keep my hand in for the future when he’s at school. (I have a small printing press I’m hoping to get up an running & be creative with, rather than a bit of a Mac Monkey)."

"I’m on the go all the time. I feel that we never stop. Having our son has made me a more patient, calmer person. I realise a lot more what is important in life and what isn’t now... I’d say I was an enthusiastic, supportive, loving mum. Until you have a child you don’t realise how much love you can have for that little person. I want to travel with our son and share lots of experiences with him. One thing I know is I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m so glad he’s in our lives. I find being a mother rewarding and frustrating at times."

"After I had our son, it (my body) didn’t phase me. I knew once I’d recovered from the c-section and had the all clear I would start running again to get my fitness and shape back. I knew it would take time and my goal was London Marathon 2014. I did it in under 4 hours, it was my toughest marathon yet, but it was a massive sense of achievement. I trained with and around our son, at times running with him in the buggy. By Mid 2015 I was almost back to my pre pregnancy fitness and was very happy about my body. I think exercise helps you both mentally and physically." 

"Sadly I don’t feel quite the same at the moment. Having suffered a missed miscarriage this March, I’m feeling quite blobby and I feel I’ve lost so much.  I felt duped by my body the day we went for the 12 week scan, only to be told there was no heart beat. My body had lead me to believe all was well and I had even started to show. I’ve dragged myself back out running again, it makes you feel better, clears the mind and you know you’re working your way back to fitness again. My body and I feel a bit in limbo land at the moment."

 "Having gone from never going to get married or have children, I’m now married, have one child and would love to give our son a sibling. I hope it’s not too late and we get another chance."

"I think motherhood sadly makes you even more aware of how cruel the world is. Having said that motherhood also makes you see the beauty in your surrounding area. I have explored so many new places locally, that I might never have done prior to having our son."

"Motherhood is one big rollercoaster of a ride! Good days, bad days, crazy days, sad days, scary days, funny days. It’s a non-stop, mixed up bag of surprises. Each day is like Forest Gump's quote 'Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get'. One minute the bathroom has been flooded, dinner has been burnt, to the next minute your heart melts as he takes his first steps or says a new word. The best experience is his big cuddles and when he says 'I love you Mummy'."

"I had no expectations. I really didn’t know what to expect, I had nothing to compare motherhood to. Most of my friends had their children earlier and I’m from a small family so, I never experienced much time around babies and very young children. No one can really prepare you. You make your own way. It’s definitely life changing, but in a good way." 

"I was 38 when I had Noah, and all I know is I wouldn’t change a thing. I said I wouldn’t have another baby after Noah, maybe it was because the birth was tough and resulted in the c-section and I felt quite rough for weeks after. They’re right when they say time heals as last year something inside me changed and I realised I wanted Noah to have a sibling, so we decided to give it a try…I hope we can add to our little family and start another chapter. Having a child makes you realise that material things aren’t important, they are meaningless, it’s the experiences and memories that are of greater value."

Thank you Sarah xxx

Windows to Motherhood is an ongoing film photography project. You can see #1, #2 and #3 or all editions here. If you would like to know or get involved and tell your story please get in touch at 

If you would like more information on portrait sessions or any of my other photography services please see my website.

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